The Butcher Shop

Hello, folks, welcome to the final episode of, not of the show, of The Beefa Versary.

This is, and I discussed this in the episode, this is the eighth or ninth year.

This is the ninth year Beef Versary, which we started recording about midway through last year, maybe like towards the end of last year.

I don't remember when, I was down, I was out, stuff was left sitting and unedited.

Anyway, this is the ninth year of the Cinema Beef Podcast.

Beef Versary, if you will, I hate doing these shows.

I'll tell you why.

I think Cort has it right, which you'll hear later on the show, Cort Psyops, that when he does his full franchise fest for certain milestones, there's no pressure.

It's just him and Matt doing something together, and that's fine.

I think I'm gonna do more of the same, not to copy out the man, I might put a little twist on there and not go full franchise.

I might go back to this idea, you know, where we celebrate an actor or something for like a series of some kind.

I don't even know.

We'll see how it goes.

But coming up this, I think it's April or May?

It might be May.

We'll be starting our 10th year of the Cinema Beef Podcast of non-consecutive programming, lost shows.

But if you've stuck it out with us for this nine years so far, going into the 10th year, bless you, love you.

Thanks for listening to the band Dyrham Bullshit that goes with this show.

It's not like a real swan song, but it's not.

I'm more motivated now than ever to get content out to you guys.

I'm very excited about that, too.

But this show in particular, I won't go into too many pleasantries as far as what I've been watching or reviewing a small thing.

But if you haven't seen Project Wolfhunting, I'd recommend a nice file in time with that South Korean picture.

Go check it out.

But yeah, this show, the third part of the brief anniversary is packed and stacked with four solid reviews, two shorter ones, two longer ones.

I think the one's longer, I don't recall, but you'll get the last two reviews of the Christopher Guest oeuvre so far.

We always make more, which is for your consideration.

And mascots, we do those.

And I will say this about the show, this is Sans Iris this time around.

She wasn't here for this, and I forget what she had going on.

I think she was in California, doing California stuff, and possibly meeting up with Mike, because why wouldn't you?

I don't remember what's going on there.

But she wasn't here for these reviews.

But in this episode, you will also get, not in this order, mind you, a crippled theater, which me and Ricky were doing for these, and we may continue doing as little side projects, it'd be a lot of fun, I think, where we did this post-apocalyptic film about teens, fighting a gang or something, sort of, with their little robot called Wire to Kill.

Excited for you guys to hear that, because that is a mess of a film that has some potential.

And yeah.

And finally, and this is what you'll hear first on this particular episode, because Valentine's, what was this past Tuesday, some of you guys may not have a sweetie, I'm one of those people, but I have lots of people I'm sweet on.

This is for the people like that, and whoever wants to listen, this is our Valentine's hangover review of a special film in both of our lives, and we hope you dig it.

Here it is.

Really?

What about Jill?

She was in the Mafia.

She was in the Mafia?

Yes, the Cosa Nostra.

The whole time we went out, she didn't tell me what she did for a living.

Charlie, she was unemployed.

She didn't have a job.

Wow, that's just the perfect cover now, isn't it?

All right, all right.

What about Pam?

She smelled like soup.

What does that mean?

She smelled exactly like beef vegetable soup.

Charlie, you're paranoid.

You weren't there.

It's all in your head.

It is.

It is.

Hey, Jane!

Get me off this crazy thing called love.

Hello, folks, this is a special, special segment for you all, for all you lovers out there, or non-lovers, or whatever you did on Valentine's Day.

This is the Valentine's Hangover Review, and I'm very, very proud.

We did one of these long ago, like a few Christmases ago, for a romantic comedy called Just Friends that we both happened to enjoy.

And we're gonna do it again for this Valentine's Day, through you guys a bone on this Beef Aversary episode, and hopefully a bone error.

For another film that we love that has romantic overtones, psychotic overtones and obsessive overtones, we'll talk all about fucking Charlie's problems in this fucking movie.

So I'm here in Axe Murderer, where I talk about, and to do that, I have enlisted none other than, I think the one guy I could talk about this movie with and just roll with it.

Uh, Mr.

Jeffrey X.

Martin, how you doing, sir?

Gary, Gary, Gary, please don't put me on blast.

I'm on your podcast.

I will say words about this film.

Iris, get me off to this crazy thing called beef.

See, I'm not sure if I've heard that or not, though, which is amazing, see.

I didn't put on blast at all.

No, that's like, hey, dude, how are you doing?

Yeah, man, I'm doing fine.

I'm glad to be, I'm sorry.

I was just saying, I'm ready to talk about this extremely strange film that I happen to love quite a bit.

Yeah, if you haven't seen it, we're going to spoil the hell out of it.

So this is one of those from 1993.

So I was 12 years old when this came out and I had the VHS.

I watched it constantly on cable and I had an aunt who would scream at me, you know, when Mike Myers, his father, would scream at the kid in this movie constantly about giving his pants or whatnot.

I don't know how to scream in the microphone, but you know, it is what it is.

If you don't know, this film stars Mike Myers, it's Charlie Mackenzie and his father as well in this movie.

Nancy Travis is Harriet Michaels, Anthony La Paglia, underrated actor in my opinion, as his friend, Tony, Amanda Plummer, as Harry Searose, the amazing Brenda Fricker, we don't appreciate it enough, I don't think, as May, Charlie's mom, Heed, Charlie's little brother, as put on Matt Doherty, may be known as Averman from the Mighty Duck series, and a barrage of comedic people that I love so much.

Charles Groden shows up in this, David Mazer shows up in this, Steve Wright shows up in this, and of course, one of the best Phil Hartman scenes you'll ever see is in this movie.

Pissing in these ocular cavities.

Oh, so good.

Bitch.

Pissed in the bitch's eyes.

This is directed by Tomash Shalami, I think it is.

Kind of sounds like Salami, but probably, there you go.

Sure, we'll call him Tommy Salami.

Tommy Salami did many things for TV, like The West Wing and stuff like that, later on after this.

Robbie Fox wrote this movie.

He wrote stuff such as, ooh, don't say Granddaddy Dacre, that's fricking terrible.

Why would that be in his top credits?

That just sounds bad, you know?

But not a lot, which is unfair.

He wrote the story for In the Army now, which is a film I happen to enjoy too.

Yeah, I'll kick attacks first, give us his general thoughts and before we dissect this mother, your history with the film and what do you think about it, sir?

My history with the film is kind of short really, cause I didn't see it in the theater.

I really didn't see it until, God, not until I got married to Cudi, I don't know, 13 years ago, I reckon.

But I will say this, So I Married an Expert is the most 90s movie ever to 90s.

From the giant cappuccino cup tracking shot at the beginning to the constant usage of that There She Goes song, which I think shows up five times, maybe six in this movie, and maybe not even done by the same performers.

This is the entire 90s in like an hour and 45 minutes.

Like you could watch the entire series of Friends and it wouldn't be as 90s as so I Married an Expert.

So if you're looking for a time capsule of that particular era, you've got it right here.

Oh, I'm sorry, you don't.

Yeah, yeah, like I said, my history with this movie, I probably saw it pretty early for probably about 19, like probably when I was like 15, I saw this movie.

So a couple of years after it came out, one of those rentals that got rented a lot.

And I guess it came to HBO.

I agree totally with the 90s thing is all over this movie, you know, right down to that.

And I look this up, who does the cover of the Bay City Roller song, which is one of my favorite scenes in the movie where, you know, the parents are introduced and they have the Scottish Wall of Fame and just dusting it off while that plays.

Shut off the Bay City Rollers, the soccer game's about to begin.

You know, it's so good.

Yeah, this is a film that I enjoy because this is a film that I watched before I knew what a relationship was.

And now I watch it and I wasn't growing up and it kind of hurts my soul a little bit because me and Charlie McKenzie have a lot in common.

I don't look for the worst in people, but you know, I look for the glass half empty in people.

And you know, it's like what could go wrong?

Am I the only law that really matters?

It's Murphy's law apparently.

But it's really weird now watching as an adult because in a lot of ways I agree with some of his logic.

His logic is bad and so is my logic.

His logic is terrible and there are also a lot of red flags that he willingly ignores while pursuing Harriet.

And that's interesting to me too.

It's just like there are so many signs not to pursue this human being, but a lot of them were based on the weekly world news.

And if that's not the most 90s thing in the world, that that's the catalyst for basically everything that happens in this movie, then I don't know what to tell you.

Because here's the thing.

Back in the 90s, the weekly world news was everywhere.

You couldn't check out of a grocery without seeing the weekly world news in the stands next to the cash registers.

And in fact, somewhere in a box in the shed, we have like a collection of the best weekly world news articles.

And it's like, you know, Bat Boy and Hillary Clinton went to bed with an alien.

And so did Bill.

And it was just like this weird sort of free sub that the aliens had.

And we never knew if anything was conceived out of that.

But it was there.

You had to look at that while you were buying, you know, Surge.

Yeah.

Oh, gosh.

Now, when I say like character flaws, and you're right, X, and what this film does so brilliantly is that, you know, this film is basically he sees this article in the Weekly World News, which his mother calls the paper.

You know, she she she because that paper contains facts.

You know, that's what she says.

That's facts.

It's facts.

Oh, gosh.

The Garth Brooks Juice Diet, man.

Come on now.

Talk about the thunder rolls.

Yeah.

Yeah.

He sees all this stuff.

It's just this article that she does.

She shows them and he starts to see all these things that have in common.

She she has done, you know, she she's from Atlantic City.

She she she keeps mentioning this person, Ralph, in her sleep, which is one of the guys that got killed by Mrs.

X, as it's called.

And this could be all coincidental, not be coincidental.

What this film does so well is you really don't find out until the end, you know, spoiler, that is not Harry, that is her sister who was the killer because, you know, all these men were ready to take her sister away from her.

You know, and this was her motive to be an axe murderer.

Why she killed all these men.

I just think it's brilliant that you're watching a film with less care.

Would, you know, it be obvious 30 minutes in that she was a psychopath.

And I think the rub works so fine in this movie.

And I think the thing that really redeems this movie for me is that third act, when it really becomes kind of an old dark house mystery.

You know, when the killer is revealed and the innocent person that we thought was, you know, hacking people up left and right, they're locked in a closet.

It really kind of degenerates into this 1930s, maybe late 20s sort of film.

And I love that.

It is so good.

It's such a fun way to sort of resolve all the stuff that doesn't quite work in the movie for me.

Because we're probably going to disagree on this because I know you said you have a lot of things in common with the Charlie Mackenzie character.

I think he's the least effective character in the entire film.

No, I just mean like character traits.

You know, I don't look for the bad in people, but I do look for the glass half empty situation.

You know, what could go wrong here, you know?

Well, some of the things that can go wrong in this movie are the spin doctors on the soundtrack because why did that ever happen?

And why is he playing with a Thighmaster?

Because it's 1993.

That's my only answer for that.

Is the only answer.

Oh, that's it.

What does Charlie do for a living?

I hope he has some kind of day job.

He's not just like doing like, you know, open mic nights at poetry places.

I was going to say, because I know for a fact, you don't make any cash doing beat poetry and open mics while drinking expensive coffee elixirs.

Yeah, the Cappuccino had to cost, the Cappuccino had to cost like eight bucks.

I don't know, man, it looked like it would be $19.83.

I was going to say $19.93 money today to be like $75, and you might get some nutmeg on top of it, and that's it.

There's a lot of indoor smoking in this movie, too.

And boy, if that's not the 90s, I don't know what is.

You could probably still smoke on an airplane at this point.

He could smoke on an airplane.

He could smoke in like a Perkins, get in the bottomless cup of coffee.

It wouldn't matter.

But what's funny about that is Charlie doesn't light his cigarette during his beat poetry bits, even though he's holding one.

So like even during like the big say anything moment where he's outside of Harriet's window with his jazz band and his notebook and he's doing the poetry and all those things, he's not even smoking.

He's just holding a cigarette in his hand for effect.

Now, you could like he could have a laser pointer and it would be the same thing, except, you know, with a cigarette, you get fewer cats.

Hot headed harbinger of haggis.

Come on now, you know, there it is.

This poem sucks.

I stand up for these reasons.

I'm sorry.

It's like I'm just saying to me, this is the stuff that's kind of wonky because every other character in this movie, I absolutely love.

I think Anthony La Paglia just carries this movie on his weird shoulders, those bits of him with Alan Arkin, where La Paglia is trying to get him to act like a 70s police chief and start yelling and making racial sources stuff.

That is gold.

Classic comedy gold.

And I love it.

And then all of a sudden there's solo asylum and then Michael Richards is here and I don't know why.

Oh, in the south side of the zone, they're both late now.

They're both dead.

Haggerty, last name.

He was an overboard in everything else.

He's the other guy in the newsroom.

Oh crap.

Mike Haggerty, that's the guy's name.

But he's been in everything.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I can see his...

God, was he an overboard too?

Yeah, he was Kurt Russell's buddy in that movie.

The sweaty carpenter that hates me.

That's right.

He was the guy with the panties in the glove compartment.

The panty king of elk snout, okay?

So how many times did you count there she goes in this movie?

I swear it was six.

And then there was that montage that felt like it had a lot of scenes that should have been left in the movie because they look cuter than the rest of the movie.

Oh, like when she's like, they're like buying the hot dog and stuff, you know?

Yeah, they're buying the hot dog and Rose, her sister is there and they're all laughing and having a good time and stuff.

Also, did you not think that this was Amanda Plummer's one big chance to be Carol Kane and that never happened again?

She never really stuck the landing all the way, in my opinion.

She was going for that.

But yeah, yeah, yeah, I agree there.

I mean, I love stuff that she's in.

I mean, the dumb stuff she's in that I love the most, like fucking Free Jack.

I could talk about, I could watch Free Jack.

I know it's not a good movie, but you know, I advise you like ten times, you know, it traditionally isn't a good movie, I guess.

I guess you would call it that.

Fair, whatever.

I think it's a great movie.

Oh yeah, I love it.

It's probably, you know, something I turned on and, you know, it's a good sci-fi, you know, schlock.

And there she goes, performed by the Boo Radleys, by the way.

I had no idea who were saying that song, but it is like the Cranberries' Dreams song, which I cannot stand to listen to because it was used probably the most in the 90s in any other song.

That was pretty close.

This song and the Cranberries song are probably the trailer song of the 90s, I'd say.

It was Dreams, There She Goes, and The Spin Doctors' Two Princes.

Two Princes, yeah.

Or Little Miscamp, you're wrong.

You see The Spin Doctors, you hear those songs, you can't stand to hear Two Princes once again.

You just want to play Pocket Full of Cryptonite on the radio, but they won't because I still really like that song.

Oh, I'm sorry.

Jimmy Olsen Blues is the song, and that Pocket Full of Cryptonite, that's the name of the CD you came on, which I fucking owned.