The Butcher Shop

What do I say to her once we get in the car?

No problem, Rat. What you need is my special five-point plan.

Come on, Damone, I need real help here.

What do you mean? Hey, men have died trying to obtain this valuable information, you know.

But I'll give it to you for free.

Okay, okay, what's your five-point plan?

All right.

Now pay attention.

First of all, Rat, you never let on how much you like a girl.

Oh, Dabby. Hi.

Two, you always call the shots.

Kiss me. You won't regret it.

Now, three, act like wherever you are, that's the place to be.

Isn't this great?

Four, when ordering food, you find out what she wants, then order for the both of you.

It's a classy move.

A lady will have the linguine and white clam sauce and a Coke with no ice.

And five.

Now this is most important, Rat.

Comes down to making out whenever possible.

Put on side one of Led Zeppelin Forum.

Hello, folks, and welcome once again to another episode of the Cinema Beef Podcast.

I'm one of your hosts, Gary Hill.

With me tonight is one Suzanne Cappelletti.

How you doing, babe?

Oh, I think we've discussed this

but not as happy

as I wish I could be right now

Well, Suzanne, you know

sometimes the world

makes you fall on a stair and

just bust your arm

and sometimes

you know, where's the line go?

Sometimes you're the dog

and sometimes you're the hydrant

I don't know

Sometimes you're the windshield and sometimes you're the bug

There you go

But I was

kind of the hydrant

if you can consider when I was

playing with Nara and she knocked out

four of my teeth.

So you're like a hydrant player?

Oh no, got that shit repaired

immediately.

Is Nara your dog or like a stripper from

Vegas? That's my dog.

That's my Great Dane baby.

Oh shit. Ain't no Great

Dane babies. Those fuckers are big.

Oh yeah, she's about

125 right now, but she's

a smaller... She's kind of the runt,

so she's a little smaller, but she's not small.

Can't confirm that for sure.

Y'all dog people freak me out.

Also a cat person

and a snake person and a lizard person.

I like animals. I don't like people.

Yes, she does. Yes, she does. No, she don't.

With us at Yurtim talking in the background, so I'll probably introduce him.

Jeffrey X. Martin is here as well. How you doing, sir?

I am well.

And Dutchess is here, too.

Thank God, somebody is.

Say hello to Dutchess, too. She's here, too.

What's up, Dutchess?

My cats are here, too. CD and Twitch are here. You'll hear them running around.

Yes, indeed. Like cats do. Yes, indeed.

Keep this cool real loose, you know, because that's the way this show is.

I'll ask my one co-host, Jeffrey X. Martin, what's he been watching lately?

Well, nothing, and let me tell you why.

My external hard drive died yesterday.

And that was a two-terabyte drive that had all my movies and all my music

and my books and my articles on it.

And pictures, oh, yes.

So now I got nothing.

let's see here

streaming wise though

what was the last thing I watched besides what we covered tonight

I've been keeping a list

of every movie that I've watched this year

on my phone

just because at the end of the year

I'm going to be like

did I actually see that piece of shit?

I don't remember

so the last thing I watched was

oh gods y'all

the movie is called

We Might Hurt Each Other

it is a Swedish slasher movie

and I gotta tell you

it's the dumbest fucking thing I've seen

in years

every person in that movie is an idiot

they all make terrible decisions

they all die in horrible ways

and it's their own fault

they don't run away from the killer

they run toward him

why would you do that

unless it's the third act

and you're the final girl

no, everyone

there's one point

I swear to crap

they try to run away so five of them

get into a car

that won't start but they don't get

out of the car

so the person who is the killer

just punches through the windows

and murders all of them

are you fucking kidding me

why don't you have reflexes

so anyway

that's the last thing I watched

reminds me of that commercial

I forget what commercial it's for

but you know where they're

let's hide behind the chainsaws

the insurance commercial

I buy the chainsaws

I buy the running car

it's so good

so anyway I watched that

you should not

thank you for your suffering

I feel like a martyr

I should be canonized

anything else

could be a good sir

no actually

and I've probably talked about this before

but my

comfort watch

when there's nothing else on or I don't have time to get involved

in a movie is the

Iron Chef channel on Pluto TV

and I will just watch Japanese

Iron Chef because

I love it ever so much it's just like

this is battle I don't know

fish testicles

and the judges are like

it's very nice

the flavor is

really flavorful

and I can taste

I can taste the fish

It's ridiculous, I love it

I watch it all the time, and that's it

Oh my god

It is amazing, isn't it?

I love that channel

I do too, it's on all the time

My wife comes home from work

She's like, what are you watching?

Oh, is this Battle Scallops?

I'm like, yeah, bae

Sit down, we're going to town

Oh my god

There was one on Netflix

A couple of years ago

and I can't even remember what the hell

the stupid premise was

but one of the ingredients

was English peas

and one of the women who was

just like I'm not getting that penis

I'm in tears

on the couch

I'm just not getting that

that pea

that she realized

flavor

no you just said you couldn't taste the penis

that was in tears

that was dying

It was amazing.

She must have gone to Catholic school.

Oh, my God.

Susan, what have you been watching, girl?

Oh, I actually did it.

Besides the penis, you know, you were watching that, you know.

Oh, I gotta watch the penis.

No, I actually broke down.

I watched Bratz.

I, from day one, I've never liked Andrew McCarthy.

He just never was one of those characters or actor.

He was a good actor.

Never appealed to me.

And now I was completely correct in my assumption.

He is a fucking whiny bitch.

But I will say this, Emilio, a little bit on the stockier side, but Emilio still looks fucking amazing.

And this was just him wandering through crying about how much he hated the label of the Brat Pack.

It is worth a watch.

I mean, especially my era.

I grew up on all of those movies.

But he is a crybaby.

Oh, my God.

There's a reason I never liked him, and I was correct.

And the other thing I have been watching, several, oh, my God, like mid-90s when Apollo 13 came out, HBO did this little series called From the Earth to the Moon.

And there are a bunch of like one hour episodes about various things that were taking place in the program.

And it's streaming on Macs.

And if you're into that kind of thing, totally recommend it.

When it first came out, maybe I bought the series.

This is probably the second or third time through for me, but I'm just kind of enjoying going through.

episode by episode and kind of reliving all of these because I mean,

just the,

the cast of actors that they had just like it's,

you actually feel like you're back in the sixties is all of these things are

going on.

Totally recommend it.

And then past like,

well,

what about moonshot?

That was the thing that remember Barry Corbin,

who played the astronaut on Northern exposure.

He narrated this little kind of, you know, miniseries about the lunar landings and the missions, which, of course, doesn't exist anywhere except on a VHS tape for way too much money on Amazon.

If anybody's actually hearing this, Moonshot, somebody do something with this, for fuck's sake.

It's fucking great.

I can't stand

if you show me naked and afraid one more time

I'm going to go strip you and throw you in the middle

of downtown Chicago

but that's what I've been watching

Would anyone notice if you did that?

Probably not

They'd probably get mugged anyway

and they'd probably shove their hand up his ass

seeing if he had any money heading up there

Yeah

That's what they do, that's how they're tricky

Watch out for the people running around

with nooses

some ass

hey turn you the puppets come on now

oh my god people are

what have they been watching

not a ton of new stuff

I watched

again it's documentary time

I sat down but I guess

I wanted to

I was looking for a cry I really didn't get one

because it was very positive all the way through

even in the end

remembering Gene Wilder is a documentary

on Netflix now

about the life of Gene of course

and where he came from and his career and his relationship with Gilda